Monster.

For Jeff.


Somehow I always knew it would come to something like this.

Although, I had more faith in the human race than I should have. Or maybe it was just you, and perhaps you're exempt from the human race anyways. You are sick.

You fucking sociopath.

"Don't discredit what we had." is what you said. I didn't have to, you did that on your own. "I didn't know" you said. "You're full of shit." I said.

He helped himself to my body, whispering he loved me. And I believed him, and he blamed it on my youth. But really, he was just a good liar. A master of manipulation. For months he made me believe I was the liar, with all his accusations, just to hide behind them, his own despicable intentions.

It's 3 a.m. and I have eyes full of concern. He has a mouth full of dip. But mostly, he's just empty. And finally he speaks the truth: "I never loved you." I should feel shot through the heart, but instead I feel nothing. Just a terrible sadness, and pity for a broken man, if you can even call him that.

"I'm not proud of it." he said, sipping his red wine."You have nothing to be proud of." I said. He nods. I feel bile and rage rising withing me.

"I want you to know, I'm not going anywhere." he said. "But I am." I said.

He reaches out to touch me, and I feel like throwing up. He lied, and I lie in a strangers bed. "Who the fuck are you?" I said. It was all bullshit. And I'm glad it is finally over. A trick, a picture painted with pretty words from the mouth of a monster. The colors of his masterpiece are running like the rain outside the window, this lie of a relationship becoming a muddled, muddy mess, what it always was.

"I am a good person." his voice comes from the dark.

"You are not." my voice comes from the truth.

"I'm so, so sorry." he manages to say. But that's a lie too, but I doubt he knows it, because he doesn't know anything. Because someone like him is incapeable of feeling remorse, or anything really. His apologies are feeble attempts to save himself, and I wonder if he's too far gone. I wonder what happened to him? I let him hold me. His hands are cold, and I can't bring myself to hate him, only to pity him. The shadow of a man.

All the times he accused me of lying, he looked me in the eye and said "I love you." Crushed me under guilt, and I believed him. I had more faith in the human race, unaware I was sleeping with a beast.

I have so many memories to erase. I will be a very busy girl.

He said it himself, he only wanted my body. A plaything. To posses me like his voodoo doll. To stick me over and over, causing pleasure and pain, and then pain again, and now nothing. "I've never been addicted to anyone before." He said.

Oh, how flattering.

It's seven in the morning, and I have slept in hell for the last time. I stand and dress with my back to him, and I hear him sigh. He's not awake yet, because he's reaching for me. Forgetting he finally spoke the truth: "I never loved you."

I look down at the monster who pretended to love me, just to have a steady fuck for months. And as I reach for the door I hear the rustle of sheets as the devil himself sits up. My grip tightens on the door knob, I do not turn around.

"Good luck with everything." I say.